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I just got home right now from a fun night of dinner, movie, drinks, karaoke, and fast food. I know I got home “late”, or early, depends on how you see it (it is after all 5:30am PST right now).

Something weird is happening. I think I’m being paranoid, or maybe it’s just me, but I swear my friend (who I have a crush on) is trying to hook me up with his friend. Why can’t the guys I’m attracted to like me back for once.

Figures things like this will happen to me.

Okay, I’m off and going to try to sleep. I’m wide awake though.

I’ve always wanted to learn how to ski. Last year, Uriel took me to my first ever skiing trip. It was during Valentine’s day. It was the last trip I made in DC that was on a happy occasion and good terms with Uriel. Sigh, I miss him a lot =(.

Anyways, I took a lesson and during the lesson in the slope, I fell in a ditch by a tree. The whole ordeal gave me a bad experience, and ever since then, even though I kept trying, I could never master skiing. Well not master per se, I just couldn’t get the hang of it. Even though I did okay skiing, there was still this fear that I would fall in a ditch and it would literally start a panic attack, so whenever I gain speed, I try to stop and fall on my ass.

This year, after a disastrous skiing trip,( a snowboarder snowboarded into me hard while I was in line to go on the ski lift for a second run, and I fell and hit my head hard on the ground. Told you there is something not right with me and skiing =) ), at the urge of my sister and my cousin, I decided to to try my hand (legs) at snowboarding. Lo and behold, I kick ass at snowboarding! My cousin and her boyfriend taught me the basics and I pretty much got the hang of it after 30 mins of going up and down the bunny slopes. I even know how to break! (I really have a hard time breaking while skiing).

I’ve gone snowboarding three times this season already, and I’m becoming really good at it. I’ve gone skiing three times, and I have never gotten better, but with snowboarding, I can go down the slopes without falling on my ass. I should have gone snowboarding from the start!

I wish I can snowboard with Uriel. I want him to see how I rock at snowboarding. Heck, I can even go in the lifts and get off without falling on my ass. Sadly, I can wish all I want, but I know he would never speak to me again. =(

I really don’t like missing Uriel. I’m hoping tomorrow’s and the weekend’s festivities would take me out of this funk. Weekend calls for tons of food and alcohol, and hopefully some karaoke =)

Here’s a cool video I want to share. Uriel would love this:

You all know that I miss Uriel a lot when I post on this blog. So I guess this week is just one of those weeks when I miss him more than normal since I’ve been posting more.

I miss totally geeking out with him and telling him when something cool happens. Like last week, I went to see Shutter Island with my friend and one of my friend’s friend is dating the guy who played Viktor in Dollhouse. I saw a movie with Viktor from Dollhouse! And I sat next to him during the whole movie. I mean, when I told my other friends, they were like, who? But I bet, if I could tell Uriel, he’d be totally psyched because he would know who I am talking about.

So, I drowned my sadness with tons of karaoke and drinking and eating junk food that night. Haha, I really had a fabulous time that night, but it made me miss Uriel more. I was doing so well in not missing him often.

Sigh.

Okay, I tried. It’s not going to happen. I tried dating. I can only be friends with guys right now, nothing more. I can’t force it. It’s not fair because my heart is not in it.

At least I tried.

I found this song apropo…well because I always thought Uriel was my guardian angel.. I was doing so well, however, minor setbacks like this are to be expected. It’s okay to miss someone you love once in a while right?

I shouldn’t have walked away
I would’ve stayed if you said
We could’ve made everything OK
But we just
Threw the blame back and forth
We treated love like a sport
The final blow hit so low
I’m still on the ground

Oh babe, the angels cry

Now I see myself through different eyes, it’s no suprise
Being alone will make you realize
When it’s over, all in love is fair

All at once, I had it all
But it doesn’t mean anything
Now that you’re gone

I know I pushed you away, what can I do that would save our love
Take these material things
They don’t mean nothing, it’s you that I want

I’m so happy, oh so happy! La la la

Crushes are awesome. It makes one giddy.

I’ve got a crush and it makes me happy Ah, exciting times! Now if only I can muster the nerve to say something…

…is for things to be well again between Uriel and I. That is all. I don’t want any material things. In fact, just donate the money that you’re going to use to buy gifts to Haiti, or other organization. I don’t want any material presents.

I just want things to be better with Uriel and yours truly.

A girl can hope and dream, right?

***UPDATE***
Actually, I want a working oven too, if that’s okay. I mean it’s a necessity. I haven’t baked since our oven broke. Is God punishing me real HARD? Does He always want me to miss Uriel? Because things that I started doing to try and distract myself so I don’t think about Uriel too much are slowly disappearing. First, the bike got stolen. Second, the oven stopped working. What is next?

***END UPDATE****

7 MILES. I ran 7 miles today! That was hard, but oh so satisfying.

However, I could barely sleep last night. I hope the insomnia is NOT back. Not being able to sleep means more time to think about everything that I did wrong. And then I berate myself. And then I cry and cry and cry. And then I wish things are well with Uriel…blah blah blah…you get the gist.

Hopefully the 7 miles plus the ab exercises later today should tire me enough so I can go to sleep tonight right? I hope so….