quliit.com

Crushes are awesome. It makes one giddy.

I’ve got a crush and it makes me happy Ah, exciting times! Now if only I can muster the nerve to say something…

…is for things to be well again between Uriel and I. That is all. I don’t want any material things. In fact, just donate the money that you’re going to use to buy gifts to Haiti, or other organization. I don’t want any material presents.

I just want things to be better with Uriel and yours truly.

A girl can hope and dream, right?

***UPDATE***
Actually, I want a working oven too, if that’s okay. I mean it’s a necessity. I haven’t baked since our oven broke. Is God punishing me real HARD? Does He always want me to miss Uriel? Because things that I started doing to try and distract myself so I don’t think about Uriel too much are slowly disappearing. First, the bike got stolen. Second, the oven stopped working. What is next?

***END UPDATE****

7 MILES. I ran 7 miles today! That was hard, but oh so satisfying.

However, I could barely sleep last night. I hope the insomnia is NOT back. Not being able to sleep means more time to think about everything that I did wrong. And then I berate myself. And then I cry and cry and cry. And then I wish things are well with Uriel…blah blah blah…you get the gist.

Hopefully the 7 miles plus the ab exercises later today should tire me enough so I can go to sleep tonight right? I hope so….

“You have to put the past behind in order to move forward.” -Forrest Gump

So true. Yet, I can’t do it.

I want to move forward, but I can’t put the past behind. No matter how much I keep telling myself that I don’t need forgiveness, my heart won’t accept it. It won’t let me move forward.

I’m screwed, aren’t I? =(

Lunar New Year Party tonight. I should be excited and happy.

Why do I feel pain in my heart. It hurts. My heart is breaking to million pieces, again. Why? Why am I missing Uriel this much? I thought I’m beginning to care less. Why this sudden rush of emotion?

I hate this. I hate not being in control. I hate that no matter how hard I try, Uriel won’t talk to me. This sadness and loneliness is so unbearable. I’m surrounded by friends and family and people that love me, yet I can’t enjoy it because the one person I love won’t talk to me. =( Life is cruel. People are cruel. =(

If I were a Jew, Uriel would never treat me this way…

I’m watching Hope for Haiti Now telethon. I already donated last week and thinking of donating again. I dedicated my donation last week to Uriel. For hope.

Have you donated? Go to hopeforhaitinow.org to donate.

Maybe the rain is affecting my mood. It’s been raining non-stop this week and it’s finally making me gloomy. I usually love rain, especially when it’s raining hard. I love watching the rain fall. Calms me. But, today I am feeling all types of blah.

I miss Uriel. Blah. Call me obsessive. I don’t care. You just don’t stop missing someone who you love for the past four years. Anyone who can stop loving and get over someone in a flash does not have a heart.

=(

This video shows what the sky would look like if earth has Saturn’s rings. Very interesting and COOL!

I drove to Glendale to ride my bike with my cousin. I bought this bike around end of May/beginning of June as a way to help me deal with Uriel and the intense pain I was feeling at that time. Biking was one of the things I started doing to help me get my mind off Uriel (didn’t really work, but hey, it helped me start working on my fitness!). Anyways, my cousin and I rode the mountains and got hungry so we decided to stop by whole foods and get pizza. We chained and locked our bikes together in a pole and figured both bikes would be safe because of the cameras around the vicinity. And there were tables with people eating. So off we went and enjoyed our pizzas. 20 minutes later we went outside to go home and as we moved closer to the bikes, I noticed that there was only one. My first thought was, well it’s dark, maybe I can’t see my bike because it’s dark. Then, as we got closer, it was clear that there was only one bike and not two, at which point I blurted out “Um, where’s my bike?” My cousin freaked out and our fears were confirmed: my bike got stolen.

I don’t know what came over me, but I was calm the whole time. Not a shed of tear. Anyways, we looked for the security guard and found two and they suggested we call the cops and report the incident. Which we did. The lady on the phone said the cops will be by soon. 45 mins later, and finally the cop came. Asked me questions about my bike. Then he gave me his card, and told me that they will call me if they find it. But he said don’t hold my breath. Then we walked home to my cousin’s place. The cop was nice enough to offer us a ride, but I felt bad so I declined. On the PLUS SIDE, O M G, that cop was HAWT. Haha!

By the way, do not get fooled about those “security cameras” you see around complexes. They are a bunch of fake shit. We went in to talk to the manager of whole foods about the cameras, and guess what? Those “security cameras” do not even work. They’re just there. In addition to that, the place was buzzing with security guards, and yet someone still managed to steal my bike. Sigh.

Just another reason I can add to why I hate whole foods.

In addition to my bike incident, I just found out from a good friend that an acquaintance from the wireless industry has passed away and I was saddened to hear the news. She was a very good person. She gave me a ride from the airport to the hotel in Florida when we were there for a conference. And I just met her right then and there. She was vibrant and full of life. She recently got married last May, and was pregnant with her first baby. She had a blood condition, and had problems with blood clots. I think a clot went to her brain so they had to do emergency C-section. Unfortunately both she and the baby did not make it. =( I was never close to her, but she was always pleasant whenever I see her at conferences.

Anyways, such is life. Today was just one of those days.

I’m alive, if anyone cares. I have just been too busy: school started, went to Seattle for fun, hung out with friends, ran, and ran some more.

One more class, then hopefully I am done. Then I graduate and get my masters degree. Woo pee doo.

I ran 5 miles today and I’m so damn proud. My legs are sore, but it’s manageable. I’m starting to build my mileage up, so that means I’m always HUNGRY. I eat at least 5 times a day and I’m still hungry. It’s cool. My legs are so toned. Now, I’m beginning to work on my abs and arms.

All the running makes me happy. Must be the endorphins right?

About Uriel – I still think about him. Of course I miss him. I’m still hoping for a miracle, but I’m not as sad about it as before. If we’re meant to be, then we’ll find a way to each other again. If not, well I still hope we can be friends. For now, I’m just living one day at a time. After all, que sera sera, whatever will be, will be. Right?